Learnings !

And I am back to blogging!! Not just like that, not for fun, not to let someone know that I have a blog too ... But this time just to appreciate myself. Yeah for being strong, and years older than yesterday. And all that happens in like a month. Fair deal 'years for a month' ain't it ? Trust me it is not.

... A month or so back, I get a call from dad saying that he is fine and better now as he will soon be shifted to regular room from ICU. Oh sorry I didn't tell you that he had got a heart attack and that he also under went angioplasty 4 days back. But well, even I came to know after this in the conversation that followed - 4 days later to be precise after the event. Without a thought I left for home. On my way I see around me many people who are having fun. Well, the first thought might be what's wrong with having fun. Now there are variations here, in the way, I perceive to answer this. First one follows: 'No of course it is wrong. Very much wrong to have fun, next to one, who is worried about his dad. After all it is quite serious and an absolute NO for a laugh. So how dare the world be so happy,when I am not.' Angry at the surrounding people I reach home. Well a lot followed there, at home, dad - already mentioned, uncle 1 - mini paralysis, uncle 2 - unconscious due to stress, cousin - migraine attack! Yeah that is all it was!

... Now, today that is, I am made aware of a friend who "existed" like everyone of us till today. Not exactly like best friend, but one with whom I spent good 5 years of my life. Actually more than 5, as I met him in 2003. Today, what I have is - a class mate for 3 years, a scooter partner for the same time, a prelims support for next 2 years, random chats that followed the next years, a lunch, time spent at his room at IIT-b, random memories of meeting him when visiting Mumbai - to remember. But well I took this in the right spirit. It is good to remember things is it not.. the ones that bring a smile to you. Surely it is. Thanks to the prior incidence that taught me the second perception - It is not that all are sad. It is you who are. There are times when you are laughing, and others are sad. So that day it was my chance." With this incidence, I add more to it - ""It is not about not feeling bad, but about moving ahead. We all exist here to perish today or tomorrow. It's just as simple as the word L-I-F-E, four letters and it comes to an end. So make sure you live those letters well and good. Live today, in entirety!"
  

Double Entendre ;)

Its 10.05 pm .... well am too bored to study the same stuff yet over again .. perhaps it was too much to deal with ... a day that started with juggling around the molecules, later discussing strategies and still later into popl-ling (well for those who have no reference to this i am a TA for this course so u c .. i hav to) ...

I was unable to sleep without being able to turn to my sides due to some weird muscular pain throughout my body. After she knew of the lil fever, slight shiver and a vomit too.... the doctor after going through the check up warned me of chicken guniea (i dont bother to spell it right) .....

'Ah and its paining again' .... this was one of my friends while running ... not me :)

'wow ! i never saw any one affected by this but every other damn disease ... :D'
oh that was panda ... with his bloody and crappy exclamations!!! .. i mean who else shouts a wow on listening tat ... well with enough of postulations from my mates i finally decided to chill out n relax ...

finally my muscles got some relief and allowed me to have a free run and injected some fresh adrenaline into me. Following this, was the freshers round 1 ... perhaps recently our Institute is gone just too rich to afford them. Having my dinner, here i cum back to my room

sitting in my chair i think over again and again of some place to go ... to have italian .. i mean times and again planned but just could not make it to....

and am thinking about nothing ... not bothered bout my head .. nor my ass ...

Over the flames .... might be due to the busy schedules and no time to ponder ... all was shitty ... and it happened again .... and again .... nothing going smooth ....

practically nothing .... but for some reason i am happy ..

as i blocked this part of the story right here, right away !

and hence i can feel that happy n gay spirit within me today (double entendre unintended :P).
i am writing this without thinking, without manipulating the free flow of thoughts that are pouring out onto this page as alphabets and making an attempt to speak the words that put forth my inner state. Perhaps they are not just thoughts but something more.. somethings that just happen without a reason... things that are not known to happen ... things that don't exist but you can feel them, you can't reach or touch but can sense them .... weird, strange, true and mostly: naaaiiceee... very naaaiiceee :)

Julia Robert's enjoying her spaghetti .. mmhhhhh ..well its just that I started over to watch Eat, Pray and Love ...

There comes the first drop of my eyes .. no no this is no senti senti ... this is no overloaded with the joy of experiencing such moment after a long time, this is no being hurt by some other bustard, this is no troubled by pain of that fucking chicken guneia either ... thats just my contacts dear :P gimme a min...

all nude... just bathed in water..... still afresh all over... moistly skinned.... lusty red...
I touch it ..... i can feel that softness ... as i touch more... i can feel even the hard... towards the other side ...towards the end ... now i take it in my hands... i can still feel the warmth ... the softness... and damn these lenses are just too itchy towards the edges... hurting my lusty red eyes... marking the disposal time... so well i put them into the solution and dress my eyes.... and finally put my glasses on .....

yea so where were we before the dressing and undressing done ?? taking bout the 'drop' that started its flight from my eye

'...GOIBIBO ... search the coupon code online dude' ... ahh no that was ramu pinging me...

yea so that drop from the eye ... it came as a result of the feeling of discomfort from the eye ... yet the mind was having a feeling of comfort. So how is it that medical science has organised my body? in bits n pieces? has it completely forgot that i m one and that should react unanimously and insync to all the other parts ?? it rolled down my cheek .. not any other part of mine .... why so ? i wanted to know the mystery...

'or else it does not allow you to free yourself from the thought that brings you pain...' and so here i unblock that portion


within me; as it was the only body part that was troubled... not the rest .... The drop was a result of pain ... in my eye ... it did not affect anyone else ... as the rest were not bothered enough !! and why will the rest even bother? They were all happy and gay :P feeling naaiiicee... and enjoying the comfort ..... that the feeling had just brought in inside them...

perhaps it was this ability that i developed today to isolate myself from the rest and then feel the world that consists of only you and a world that belongs to only you. It is the only being you are responsible towards and you are the only one who accounts for it. It has got your memories as the few elements of this world, your emotions that fill in the oceans, your learnings that form the lands and your experiences that form the atmosphere that surrounds and guards you.

At times it is all about breaking the threshold, about stepping out, about exploring new worlds, and crossing over !

'Attraversiamo !'

Zero Gravity

The apple asked gravity if it would help the apple pass through the turbulence that had caused randomness in its mind and made each thought foggy. To which the gravity was too cold to respond. The apple once again tried to convince gravity by aid of different quintessences that gravity could relate to, none of which caused gravity to be adamant without changing its mind. "Just be with me" was followed by a negation so soft but had an unparalleled intensity. After regularly pleading however, the gravity agreed half heartedly to help the apple get rid of all the itch in it and assured to help the foggy view become crystal clear; or so to say the apple presumed so!

A good time! Yes that was. With a word always to say, with an act always to do, with a smile to show 'I m dere', things were good. Perhaps no better may it could have been. anytime; and it didn't. Pampered with words of trust, caressed with assurances, put in hopes of a lasting fellowship. The readability of the countenances further added to it. All grew into a dependency that vouched of a fall back option, an option that at one end meant to fall back assured, so as to be taken care of at the other end; and to the other it meant to allow a free fall. Gravity after all!

Gravity constantly kept an eye on the apple or the apple did it to gravity. Either of the ways it happened lead nothing good. On the contrary, as it is said too much familiarity leads to ignorance, apple soon assumed the form of any other object that the gravity acts upon. And in no more than a few days did the apple presume a scoffed part of gravity's world.

After questioning a week long, the New Year brought the reply: its internal, the ailment; deep and difficult to cure. Dialogues leaded to discussions and pleadings made it to parley. Understanding wants words, but seldom they help. The year to follow ushered in new happenings, further worsening the ailment which now no doctor could cure. An apple a day kept gravity away!

A strange spring followed...
And all the amicabilities went hollowed...
Something in the ecology went wrong,
And the spring instead regular, lead to a fall... of all apples but one!

The apple asked gravity if it ...
...........................................................
........................................................... ...or so to say the apple presumed so!
Disallowing exchange of its action for its words, gravity barred the apple, beyond its reach, making the fog still more dense for the apple to see through, let alone helping a crystal clear view. Gravity remained unspoken for the cause of its bewilderedness keeping the apple at bay, aloof of what made him deserve this: An apple left free in the air to move about in the random, not being cared for, to go astray and aimlessly as the foggy thoughts directed it to... It yelled at gravity to be just and at least be equal to them all, to allow him a free fall as the rest.

"You don't even deserve that" is what left the apple puzzled in its own and very new world of ZERO GRAVITY!

If not better,
It will certainly make things good!
A small chat will prevent me perish,
and so 'Utter' you should.

Why not speak?
Lets have a word or two...
or is it that now I m no worthy to talk to?

I'm blue !

Well coming down two complete years,today something just instigated me to pen down the "randomness" of my mind onto a paper. Later on reading it I noticed - ohh yeah !! Those wee hours did have something for me to offer to "a.......muse".

...................... Finally we have made it new heights, not in terms of success but in terms of the floor. Few days back that I was addressed 126 first floor, now reads as 368 third floor. With the new corridor is the new fresh air that ushers in along with itself as much a sense of freedom, as much of change. But despite this well known change that was bound to come in future, things still in some way seemed to be the same. Whether it is sandy's "anna tyag" , kharab's indian-ness (:P) , ramu's s*** figure (:D) , raheja's talents of his sudden disappearance, vishal's b*******panti (censored), mihir n his fifa, ujju's bakbak ( :P and x-( ), mohak's baniyapanti (:P), panda's lols and :P s , mandu's M-tech terms, swati's lite ley bey, or andu's count of her shopping bags ... all are still the same. Basically "jeevan" ( dubey i do remember u ) me kuch jyada change nahi hua hain.

However even then, I can feel inside me the urge to know the reason behind this change : the change that is lying down somewhere in the pool of these similarities, but still different enough to mark out its own existence. It is this identity of the change that reminds me of a series of happenings : lol transferring to lawl , war of the nations replacing fifa, tea for coffee or vice versa, and a lot more that the two years has changed ; enough for a blind to see, for a deaf to hear and for a numb to sense and notice.

But apart from these few white caps amidst the majority red ones lies the one that beholds something unexampled, that leaves behind an itch that intrigues me, piques me, on where has this one bigger change bubbled in from? The one in me ... "in and out" ? ....................

Long lived this thought till a sudden "thub" that disregarded the mysticism.

So here came to my rescue the theory of relativity that compelled me to toss my brains a lil' on the very idea of whether it is the change in the majority red or it was the change in me ? Relieved I was finally that I discovered its the change reciprocated ... "in and out".

Whether it was the heart or the hair, word or the wear, face or the fare each has underwent a change or got a substitute. I wonder the time the body took to accustom itself to this ... really a lot less, not being sure if this was what to adjust is or a prelude to inertness !!

With this one big or rather numerous tiny changes as newbies to my life, here has onset a whole new start that unleashes before me a pictue; that it is faded yet again demands the need to be canvased all afresh with the experiences of new life, painted with bright new chapters metaphorised as the colors, oulined with the joys of mind, splashed with the tears of sorrow and stroked with a different perspective each time a different cap spectates it.

Every past shade of the cap leaves me no clue
Why most red; few whites n I'm blue !

With many more caps n still more shades to come and go, sometimes I wonder how much fun would it be to pause down the events once, and eye all the changes as snaps that have the different moments of fun, shrill n thrill, still there archived into a timeline, n enjoy the ride yet again with each moment as a boggie filled with different expressions, packaged with newer facades, bagged with insights to reach newer heights and watch it walk down the rails of memory into a vaguely cheffed future with salt added n pepper for us to garnish it with ...

I am the one ...

I am the one , who can feel you

By the caress of your heart ;

I am the one , who can sense you

By the embrace of your breath ;

I am the one , who can touch you

By the cuddle of your nerves ;

I am the one , I am the one ;

I am the one , who wants you

each moment I live ;

I am the one , who needs you

in every bit of my hollow ;

I am the one , who wishes to have you

every epoch as it begins ;

I am the one , I am the one ;

I am the one , who shall be liking

what makes you like what you are;

I am the one , who shall be loving

all that you live for ;

I am the one , who shall always fondle

….............. You !

I know , I am the one

to think it like this ;

I know , I am the one

to dream it like this ;

I know , I am the one

to assume it like this ;

I know , I am the one

to fancy it like this ;

I also know , I am the one

who shall be true to his thine ;

I also know , I am the one

who can neither lie nor differ his feelings to mine ;

I also know , I am the one

who without you though not blest , will be fine ;

I also know , I am the one

…...................................

All I wish is - “ I was the only one “.

Politically Safe !!!

Just after coming to yet another end of yet another "PING" meet , today there came an unanimous reply that suggested me to keep the article on 'RSAO' within "politically safe" boundaries !!
Well not much to my astonishment ; it was a very much awaited one , for firstly it is always good for the people with a clear know how to suppress any later expostulations and secondly it helps the oblivious to be kept aloof from dissenting . To consider this , imagine a 'murder' being portrayed as 'deadly attack' ... does it sound convincing enough ???? To me , parallels the idea of cutting the edge off of the facts and then moulding them into a caressed piece of well managed , thoroughly manipulated , well-cut and fabricated articulation. Is this what the real idea behind the very act of 'posing' a journalist is ?
If the very base of a news maker is to polish the truth into soft spoken lyric , then where does the concept of 'fact' emerge from and what does its standards of being authenticate abide to ?
So far it goes with me , use of euphemism to mark the usage of goody-goody rhetoric makes even the most of 'illicit' content 'ill-fit' for to be put forward to all for the case of consideration . This limits the 'voice' to a 'vice' ...!!!